I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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