somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
