I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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