I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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