He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
