guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
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Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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