i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
