he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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