sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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