he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
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