I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
