I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
