Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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