so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
