I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
