I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
