you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
