All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
