I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
