Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
