she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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