i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
