Will you blow on my dice?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
