I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The air taste purple.
Randomize
