Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
