Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i dont even know how to be here
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
