Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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