Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
