I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
