i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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