I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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