Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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