You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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