Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
