They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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