how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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