"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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