Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
