Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
