His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
he wants to bone in the snuggie
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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