Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
