Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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