Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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