SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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