I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You're like the curious george of whores
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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