hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
