Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
