I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
