you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
