My nipple is on Facebook.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
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After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
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Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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