He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
