I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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