I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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