Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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