I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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