Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
