It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
