shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
