Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
