He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Even my vagina gasped.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
