so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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