He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
im on a boat
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