So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
