she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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