I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize