You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
