I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
