Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize