I want to stick my p in your. b.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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