You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
