Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
