ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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