went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
This baby is an asshole
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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