I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
