Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Randomize
