So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
