Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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