I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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