If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
