The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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