how can u be prego again
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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