He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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