Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
