They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
