I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
