well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
